Tudom, hogy nem mindenki fogja ezeket a poénokat érteni, főleg azért, mert angolul vannak, másodsorban azért, mert némelyik magasabb szintű matematika ismerete is szükségeltetik, de azért remélem jó páran meg fogjátok érteni ezeket a vicceket.
an infinite amount of professors walk into a bar, the 1st ask for 1 pint, the second 1/2 a pint, the third, a 1/4. The bartender says "your all idiots" and pours two pints.
a neutron walks into a bar. he asks the bartender, "how much for a drink in here?" the bartender replies, "for you, no charge."
Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?
To get to the same side.
Two chemists walk into a bar.
The first challenges the second to a drinking contest and asks the barman for a glass of H2O.
The second says, "In that case, I'll have a
glass of H20 too."
Needless to say, the first chemist won.
Why did the cat fall off the roof?
Its mu was too small.
Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was a polar bear.
Your mother's so fat that the escape velocity on her surface exceeds 8x3^10m/s
A Biologist, a Physicist, and a Mathematician are chilling at a cafeteria. Across the street, they see two people walk in a building. After a while, three come out.
"They have obviously procreated," observed the Biologist.
"No, there must have been an error in our initial calculations," argued the Physicist.
So, the Mathematician shrugged and said: "If another person walks in that building, it will be empty."
A physicist wants to drop my body temperature to -273°C.
My wife thinks it'll be dangerous, but I think I'll be 0K
How do you get a seaside lodge?
integrate 1/cabin dcabin (Log cabin + sea)
There was a young lady named Bright,
Whose speed was far faster than light.
She went out one day,
In a relative way,
And returned the previous night.
An economist, a mathmetician, and a statistician are on a train journey from london to edinburgh.
as the train crosses the border into scotland, it goes past a field with a cow with brown skin in it.
the economist looks at it and says "look, all the cows in scotland are brown."
the mathmetician says "no, there is at least one cow in scotland that is brown."
the statistician says " no, there is at least one cow in scotland of which at least one side is brown."
Heisenberg gets pulled over by a cop.
The cop asks," Do you know how fast you were going back there"?
Heisenberg replies" no, but i knew where i was."
"NO I DONT KNOW"
"YE YU DROVE 194mph"
"HOW YOU KNOW I WAS THERE THEN?"
All of the great physicists ( Planck, Pascal etc. ) get together decide to play a game of hide and seek up in heaven.
Einstein is chosen to be 'It', so he turns to the wall and begins counting to 100, while the rest run to hide Newton stands directly behind Einstein, and draws a square with sides of 1 m around himself. Einstein reaches 100, turns around and finds Newton:
" I found you! "
Newton refuses to go out, and all the physicists gather to see what the commotion is about.
Newton explains:
" The box around me is 1m by 1m, meaning i am Newton per meter squared, therefore i am Pascal"
Two statisticians are on an airplane. Suddenly, they hear a huge crash. They hear the pilot over the loudspeaker:
"Attention all passengers, we have lost an engine. Fortunately, we should be able to make it to our destination with our three remaining engines. Estimated flying time is now at about 4 hours."
The staticians hear this and are put at ease. They continue to talk together when they're interrupted by second crash, and the sound of the loudspeaker again.
"Attention all passengers, we have just lost a second engine. We should still be okay on 2 engines, but we probably won't reach our destination for at least 6 hours."
Well, the staticians have time to burn and books to read, so they don't bother worrying about this new development. Suddenly, there's another crash, and the pilot's anxious voice comes over the loudspeaker:
"Attention all passengers, we're now flying with only one engine left. It will take us at least 8 hours to reach our destination now."
One statistician turns to the other and says,
"Gee, if we lose one more engine, we'll be flying all night!"